I see myself as a lively, bright and sociable girl. I love to interact with new people and have no problem making new friends.
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But somehow, my personality became a problem when I started dating men in South Korea at the age of Many men approached me, expressing an interest in my outgoing personality. But sooner or later, they started to complain about things that energize my life, what I think are important, like interacting with people and having fun at interesting social gatherings. I thought, is my outgoing personality — which was attractive to them in the beginning — an obstacle to developing a stable relationship?
I soon found out that I was not alone. A bunch of my girlfriends had similar worries when dating South Korean men. Some guys I knew loved hanging out with girls whom they called cool and funny — for example, girls who could drink two bottles of soju straight. But the same guys would get angry when their own girlfriends tried to drink more than one can of beer.
They wanted to date a girl who was smart and independent enough to handle her own life, but also dependent enough to respect their choices, rely on them to make decisions, and get advice from them when faced with difficulties. You can see this contradictory expectation in female heroines of many K-dramas. She should be resilient but needs to be rescued when hardship arises.
I thought it more a fantasy of men who craved unequal power relations with their girlfriends than a reality. As a young woman, I kept wondering about how I should act, and how much of myself I should show men. In struggling, I sometimes found myself trying to do naesung and aegyo.
Aegyo and naesung are two modes of behavior young women are expected to engage in when dealing with men. Naesung on the other hand is acting coy, not being outright honest. Both terms are rarely used to prescribe how men should behave. Then in my late 20s, I met someone. He was in finance, in his first job after college. I had already been working for several years by then.
We dated over a year. For a long time, he never commented on my social gatherings or asked me to see him as my sole source of emotional support. He gave me space — and he gave himself space. He was considerate, and accepting.
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Then a miracle happened. I found myself voluntarily doing the so-called girlish actions, especially aegyo. A woman that can help provide for the family is much better than someone who has no professional abilities.
Giving the parents regular? Also, even though it's kind of expected for korean women to be familiar with korean customs, if foreign women demonstrate such familiarity, the impact and delight is much bigger since it would be unexpected. It is because of they don't expect foreigners to act like korean women or men that parents are usually against interracial marraige. Well the famous king Kim Suro married an Indian woman, and their descendants still make the pilgrimage to a city in India today.
The Korean surname "Heo" comes from the first queen of the Gaya nation, an Indian since she had half of their children named after her, and the rest after Kim. I'm not saying he's a creep I don't understand how this post feels like a "troll"? What do you mean trigger-words? White privilege is a thing.
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I've experienced it before where people literally say to me "I want to try being with a brown girl" or " ill try it out just once", or "I don't like brown girls, but I find you attractive". I don't even know lol. It's just ironic from other brown guys haha. Ignore all the advice given here. They're mostly from white foreigners in Korea with prejudiced viewpoints against Korean men. I'm a second-generation Korean American who grew up in America, and I've had my share of experiences with the white men who think they are the top people.
Don't listen to Western male viewpoints that supposedly speak up for Korean men. Here's my thought on your question. I don't go out of the way to date certain race or people. So race is a zero factor. However I prefer to date Korean. Because I grew up with my parents second father not related in blood who is white, and my mother Korean. I saw the constant cultural struggle that my mother went through because my white father didn't understand nor cared about my mother's culture.
For instance, we were not allowed to eat Korean food in front of him, and he often badmouthed and mocked South Korea. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't a bad man, and he treated my mother very well.
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But when it came to cultural respect, he showed my mother zero respect. Having seen this while growing up, and now that I'm an adult, I realize that I wouldn't want to be in the same position as my mother who often had to suppress her background and her culture to satisfy my stepfather. I want to eat Korean food whenever I want, I don't have to explain Korean culture, nor apologize to my other half that that's what I am.
Being with a Korean woman, I can avoid all these troubles. Being in a relationship with the opposite is hard enough as it is, without adding to cultural differences. I'd rather be with my own kind since I've learned to adapt and live like a Korean, and since we me and my Korean woman understand each other and where we're coming from. We don't have to explain anything to each other, so it will be less tiresome.
Having said all this, my understanding of Indian culture is that Indian parents are far more stricter on inter-racial dating. At least in South Korea, international dating is becoming fairly common now, and it's no longer a shock when someone marries internationally. I doubt that's the case in India. So I'm wondering the guy that you like, how do you know your parents and your community will accept him?
I'm betting that they won't accept him anyway, even if he likes you. Your stepdad sounds like a trashy asshole, and you really shouldn't base your view of white men on him.
Actually, I have a very non-conventional Indian family. Tbh, depending on what part of India you are from, the culture is entirely different. Where I'm from, and with my family My family is super mixed and very open minded.
Some of them are very Christian, but my mom and dad come from different cultural upbringings despite being from the same part of India. My family will accept anyone I choose to date, as long as they know I'm safe and happy. My dad is like my best friend, and I care about them very much.
I have strong family values and I know I will take care of them when they become older no matter what I'm a daughter, and an only child. I'm open to dating anyone, but I feel trapped because of stereotypes.
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I know my family will be accepting, but I also understand that I have to educate others to learn more about my family and my upbringing. It could be that he likes you, but he's thinking the same about you, hesitating and wondering if he would be accepted by your parents and your community. If I were you, I wouldn't jump to conclusions solely based on stereotypes. Based on marriage statistics, half the second generation Korean American men marry non-Koreans. I don't want to believe the stereotypes which is why I can't simply shake the feelings and the hope.
The fact that you even needed to ask about an obvious racial stereotype suggests you have no fucking clue what you are doing and that the relationship if you even get that far is doomed to fail. Asking you what half a billion Indian women think would be rather silly, right? In everything you said, you sound like a close minded person. If they don't want you it's because you are close minded, not because you're Indian. Sorry if I came across being close-minded. I am actually not, but I have these insecurities because the racism has been previously expressed to me by guys.
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I'm trying to understand, because I've heard one thing from my Korean friends, but I want to believe otherwise and that I have a chance. This conflict is why I made the post tbh. Personally I think that there are some influences but it is entirely dependent on the person. Is he the type who cares about his social network or is he the type who is able to go outside of his comfort level and be with something that he cannot deny?
He definitely cares very much about his social network. He has a reputation, especially because the Korean community is small and he knows a lot of people. I swear everyone knows each other. Idk how to answer the comfort thing tbh. He can be shy, but he also works with and knows a lot of people of different backgrounds.